Government reluctantly admits Manchester attack repair bill is worth extra 1/200th of a DUP bribe

author avatar by 5 years ago

The government has finally agreed to pay the full £17m bill for repairs following the Manchester Arena terrorist attack, after reluctantly admitting it is worth about 1.5% of a DUP bribe.

There had been a significant amount of criticism of the government over the delay in agreeing to pay the required £17m, with suggestions that Whitehall officials were actually trying to negotiate their contribution down to £12m.

A source inside the government told us, “Comparing these two entirely separate financial expenditures just because they are examples of the government spending money on things it deems worthy of a cash injection is disingenuous.

“Well, for a start, one of those things helps people we don’t really care about, while the other helps keep us in our cushy jobs for another five years.

“Honestly, I don’t know why you people can’t see that. It’s like you’re willfully blind to the truth.”

Manchester voters have welcomed the belated confirmation that they will be getting the full £17m, but have admitted the delay does leave a nasty taste the in the mouth.

Salford resident Simon Williams told us, “The nation was behind us 100% after the attack, we had more thoughts and prayers than we knew what to do with – the only issue was when it came time for the government to put its hand in its pocket.

“I supposed if we’d been in a position to give Theresa and her gang a parliamentary majority, they might have been a little quicker in writing the cheque.

“Hell, we might have even seen a few Mancs driving around in Bentleys.”