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With apparently no sense of irony, Brexit secretary David Davis has warned the EU not to put “politics above prosperity”, whilst he simultaneously enacts the economically devastating results of a referendum designed only to unify the Conservative Party.
Davis delivered a warning that other EU states should beware harming their own economies by putting political considerations first, seemingly completely oblivious to overwhelming independent reports that warn that Britain will suffer economically due to Brexit, a referendum principally designed by his own party to silence a few Euro-sceptic backbenchers once and for all.
“Putting politics above prosperity is never a smart choice,” said the man tasked with carrying out the smartest choice since turning down the Beatles then invading Russia in winter, a choice that only became a reality due to squabbling within his own party.
On criticisms that Britain’s ideas about a post-Brexit relationship with the EU were “magical thinking”, Davis responded, “We’re definitely going to get our own brilliant trade deal that’s better than the one we’ve already got. I know because I’ve asked Santa.”
Davis then dismissed reports that the British were “short-sighted islanders”, saying, “I didn’t read that – I couldn’t find my glasses.”
Finally, Davis summed up the position of the Conservative party: “We know the country’s fucked, but if we don’t do this John Redwood is never going to shut up.
“But we’re not putting politics above prosperity. OK?”
