Michael Gove has had enough of this whole sexual harassment thing not being about him.
The melting Thunderbird puppet made the extraordinary allegation when he realised that the whole story was about the harassment of women in Parliament and gave him no attention whatsoever.
“It was during Prime Minister’s questions, apparently,” said a shell-shocked parliamentary secretary who has been unable to imagine anything else for the past three days.
“Gove reckons that Sir Michael flopped it out and started enjoying himself in the House of Commons, which is fairly standard, but then he angled it towards the Minister for the Environment and fired it straight up his thigh.
“I’m fairly sure it’s utter nonsense and that Gove is either jealous of Sir Michael’s knighthood or, like everyone else around here, he’s a bit uncomfortable with women having a voice for a change so he wants to chime in as well.
“He’s enough of a prick that it could be either, to be fair.”