Trump-deleting Twitter employee unlikely to have to pay for a drink ever again

A Twitter employee who deleted Donald Trump’s Twitter account on their last day has secured free pints for life.

Simon Williams, a now-former employee of the online toilet wall, said his goodbyes to everyone in the office, accepted a card, made a short speech where he lied about how much he loved the job he was now abandoning, and deleted the President’s personal Twitter account on the way out.

“It was a lovely day,” confirmed Williams.

“I got a nice card and some vouchers, and I successfully convinced everyone that I will miss them even though most of them represent the exact cause of my resignation; particularly Carol in accounts, the twat.

“I wanted to do something memorable on my way out and the boss was in his office, so I couldn’t take a shit on his desk.

“So instead I decided to take away the personal Twitter feed of the President of the United States.

“So far I have been bought 12 drinks by people I’ve never met. Should this rate continue, I should be dead by the age of 38, which is all I’ve ever dreamed of.”

Barfly, Jay Cooper, said, “Simon is the hero we need right now and it was my pleasure to buy him a drink.

“I’m looking forward to Donald’s response. It’s likely to contain even more froth than this pint, which has been badly poured to a spectacular degree – but then we are in the USA.”