Eighties rock pioneers Simple Minds are facing legal action after consistently failing to produce a miracle that, it is claimed, was first promised as far back as 1982.
The case is being brought by Alex Epps, a Simple Minds fan from Sussex.
“It’s the lies I can’t stand,” said Ms Epps, sadly.
“They promised me a miracle. On numerous occasions. Yet do I ever get a miracle? Oh No. It’s like – ‘I’m Jim Kerr, I’m a big star, I can do what I like, I can promise you a miracle and not give you one.’
“It’s like they’ve forgotten us. The fans. The fans who were promised a miracle.”
Ms Epps is happy to accept any miracle.
“Oh absolutely, walking on water, fish into wine, Boris Johnson shutting up and going away – literally any miracle will do.
“Look, to be honest, I’m not even sure if I want a miracle. If Simple Minds hadn’t promised me one, I probably wouldn’t be too bothered either way. But the fact is that they did promise me a miracle, and you don’t break a promise.
“I bet if U2 promised you a miracle, you’d get a bloody miracle.”
It is thought that Simple Minds will be countersuing Ms Epps after she briefly forgot about them in 2009.