A university student is going to a party this evening dressed up as the thing she fears most.
Hayley Reece, 18, is studying Media and Social Studies at the University of Kettering, because it sounded fun and they agreed to take her.
“And it’s going to cost me £41,000,” confirmed a wide-eyed Hayley.
“I wouldn’t mind if I was going somewhere good like Oxford, Cambridge or even Lincoln at a push, but I think this place only opened about a fortnight ago. I’m only here because I had to go through clearing after spending the three months after my 18th birthday in the pub instead of revising for my A Levels.
“Anyway, like most people who go to university, I’ve led a relatively sheltered life. So a large financial debt is the scariest thing I can possibly imagine happening to me and, lo and behold, it’s happening.
“So I’m going to dress as the utterly terrifying final statement that will greet me at the end of my degree.
“I was thinking about going to the party as a sexy cat, but I had an epiphany where I realised that a sexy cat has fuck-all to do with scary things.”
Hayley’s best friend, Jay Cooper, said, “If I’m honest, I’d much rather Hayley didn’t go dressed as a student loan.
“I want to relax and enjoy the party and I can’t do that if I see nothing but burdensome responsibilities whenever I look at her.
“She shouldn’t be able to elicit that feeling without carrying my child.”