Whoever buys Newcastle United won’t be getting a large mug of any kind.
The club is being sold by Mike Ashley, who has chosen to spend more time with his desperately underpaid Sports Direct employees.
“We’d normally throw in a mug big enough to fit three normal cups of tea,” confirmed Sports Direct spokesperson, Simon Williams.
“But throwing one in with the sale of Newcastle United would almost seem like mockery, bearing in mind they haven’t won a cup of any kind since the late Middle Ages.
“We’ll throw in something more appropriate – a return ticket to Newcastle coach station, perhaps. Or a small flask of tears.”
Newcastle fan, Jay Cooper, said loudly, “What are you talking about? I’m Middlesbrough ’til I die!”
Lowering his voice, Cooper said, “yeah, alright, I’m a Newcastle fan.
“Bit gutted that we can’t get a cup, but then I’ve been saying that for a lonnnnng time.”