New US gun law to allow people to own tanks, warships and short-range nuclear missiles

author avatar by 7 years ago

A new law that will expand the variety of weapons that Americans can legally own has been introduced to the US Senate.

The Hunting and Fishing Excellence bill states that Americans should be able to freely purchase tanks, small warships and short-range nuclear missiles.

The bill is, inevitably, supported by the NRA.

“The 2nd Amendment is very clear in its defence of huge multi-billion dollar conglomerates of arms manufacturers who sell absurdly overpowered weapons to ordinary people whilst convincing them that owning the guns is practically their patriotic duty and even ordained by God himself,” said NRA spokesperson and terrifying bastard Dana Loesch.

“It seems clear to me that if the framers of the constitution were alive today, they would be clear that the 2nd amendment definitely includes tanks, warships and short-range nuclear missiles. I mean, the implication is clear.”

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She went on to say that the Las Vegas shooting could well have been avoided if this bill was already law.

“Just imagine if someone in that audience had been carrying a short-range nuclear missile. I mean, he could have taken down the shooter and ended the whole event much quicker, with collateral damage of just several million people.

“Sometimes, what you need to stop a bad man with a gun is a good man with a short-range nuclear missile.”

Ms Loesch’s response to those who question why anyone would need to own a tank or warship or short-range nuclear missile was clear.

“Sport,” she said, whilst maintaining a straight face.