Missing breakfast, lunch and dinner leads to ‘very poor health’, according to a study published today.
The ‘research’, the first of its kind this week, found that cutting right back on calories could lead to unexpectedly catastrophic consequences rather than simply losing a bit of weight.
Lead studyman Professor Simon Williams said, “The results of this survey are astonishing and against everything I’d expected.
“We are led to believe that eating less will make us fitter and healthier, but it transpires that eating nothing at all is very unhealthy indeed! A lot more than any of us expected.
“To perform this research, we had a test group and a placebo group. After one month of not eating any food, we found that the test group were all completely dead. Every one of them. Whereas the placebo group – who didn’t know they were being surreptitiously fed three meals a day – were very much alive and, by definition, much the healthier of the two.
“It goes against all non-scientific, ‘dietary research’ designed to make you feel bad! Who would’ve thought?!”
Professor Williams is awaiting his study to be better-than-peer-reviewed.