Fans of 1982’s sci-fi masterpiece Blade Runner are understood to be ‘utterly terrified’ they might not be able to bitch about the sequel, according to reports today.
Fans of the classic film have been up in arms ever since the sequel was announced, saying that such an endeavor was ‘doomed to fail’ and ‘nothing but a cynical cash-grab’ – but positive and glowing early reviews have left them feeling betrayed by Hollywood.
“I feel empty and robbed,” said long-time Blade Runner fan Robin Langridge.
“I’ve been waiting to loathe this sequel for more than half my life, and when they finally bring it to the screen it’s not a deluge of liquid cinematic turds sprayed through a high-pressure hose.
“It’s an outrage. At least George Lucas didn’t disappoint when he made the Star Wars prequels. Okay, he did disappoint. You know what I mean.
“Why couldn’t Hollywood learn from his example and make hollow spectacles bereft of artistic merit for us all to complain about for decades?
“It’s like they don’t care about what proper fans really want – never to be happy, and never to shut up about it. An eternity of miserable bitching.
However, producers have pledged to listen to fans of the franchise and promised to release a new cut of the film with very, very slight changes every year for the next three decades in order to suck them as dry as possible.