Standalone Obi-Wan film to focus on heroin addiction and petty crime

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The forthcoming ‘young Obi-Wan’ movie will be about his youth of petty crime on the planet Glastooine, Lucasfilm has announced.

Kenobi – to be played by a digitally de-aged Ewan McGregor – struggles with Death Stick addiction with a group of other Padawan and a gratuitously violent war droid called Beg-B.

The question posed in the film is will Kenobi succumb to deathsticks like so many of his friends, or will he go home and rethink his life before turning to the light side of the force.

“Like Rogue One, this film will show a seamier side to the Star Wars universe that we haven’t really seen before,” producers told us.

“There’s a great scene where Obi-Wan cops off with a Twi’lek dancing girl and then has to pretend to Jabba the Hutt that they’re just good friends in the morning, as if he’s caught he’ll be fed to the Rancor beast.

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“And another in a cantina where Beg-B picks a fight with a Gammorrean before force-headbutting him and smacking him with a laserbottle.”

Producers feel that if the film is a success there will be the opportunity to make another film, twenty years down the line that won’t be close to as good as the original and nobody will care about.

“Because we can’t think of any examples of that,” they said.