You need to spend £44k on a decent washroom when you have this much blood on your hands, claims Jeremy Hunt

author avatar by 6 years ago

Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has defended the cost of his new £44,000 washroom, insisting that sometimes he just can’t wash the blood clean off his hands.

There has been a public backlash against the extravagant spending, but Hunt has insisted the money has been well spent.

“I understand a great many people are criticising me for spending £44,000 of taxpayers’ money getting a new bathroom fitted in my London office,” explained the health secretary yesterday to bemused reporters.

“But they need to remember that, thanks to all the cuts and austerity measures that I’ve imposed upon the NHS, I have an awful lot of blood that I need to wash off my hands – and that takes top of the range washroom facilities.

“Sometimes I can be in there for hours, trying to remove that last spot of blood, but it just won’t wash off.”

We asked NHS nurse Simon Williams what he thought of Hunt’s new bathroom. He shrugged and said, “We are struggling to treat patients as a direct consequence of the range of unnecessary and vindictive measures that he’s imposed, but then you have to weigh that against the possibility of Jeremy Hunt suffering the ignominy of shitting in a substandard toilet.

“Obviously what’s really important here is that no expense is spared when it comes to him being able to wash away all residual guilt associated with the deaths he’s caused – and if £44k is what it takes, then so be it.”