Wednesday 12 July 2017 by Lucas Wilde

“Trust me” says vampire from Blade movies

Donald Trump jnr and blade

Donald Trump Jnr has told everyone to trust him despite the fact he’s clearly a vampire from the popular Blade movie series.

The son of the President made the declaration after admitting to meeting with a Russian lawyer which apparently meant “nothing” in the same way that cheating on one’s wife means “nothing”.

“It’s difficult to trust a man who so clearly drinks blood while wearing an expensive suit, ” said journalist, Simon Williams.

“He’s not even trying to hide it. Just look at that slicked hair. It positively reeks of mid-tier vampire.

“One wonders if he’s a vampire from the first Blade movie, which was excellent, the second, which was alright, or the third, which was shit.”

A spokesperson for Trump Jnr sai, “my client vehemently denies the accusations of being a vampire from a popular film franchise.

“No member of the Trump family is going to be involved in a film series which has a black man in the lead role.

“We cannot, however, confirm or deny that he is a vampire from the Underworld series of films, which stars an attractive white lady in a skin-tight catsuit.”

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