Everyone in Northern Ireland will receive a free pony, Theresa May has confirmed today.
The move, which is entirely unrelated to the recent election, is intended to show the deep and abiding respect and affection she has for the province.
Jeremy Corbyn attacked May for chumming up with a bunch of Irish loons, but she responded with a huge grin and said she was only meeting them to encourage peace and dialogue and hoped he’d understand.
“Free ponies for all!” said an obviously calm and collected Prime Minister this afternoon.
“The wise and rational politicians of Northern Ireland have persuaded me that you’re all such fine, fine people that’s it’s ponies all round and not for any other reason.
“Jesus, the things I have to do around here. Wait, is that mic still on?”
Sinn Fein has criticised the move, saying that nobody is allowed to offer free magic ponies to the Irish except them and any English horses coming to Northern Ireland should be very careful someone doesn’t go all Shergar on them.