The prime minister’s meeting with DUP leader Arlene Foster is not going as well as hoped, according to sources this morning.
With Theresa May hoping to conclude a deal for a confidence and supply arrangement, the DUP leader said she’s happy to provide precisely that, in return for just one small favour.
A spokesperson for the DUP told reporters, “Look, we’re not asking for much, just one of the following; stop teaching children the myth of dinosaurs, start deporting all the married gays, or put the Pope on the terrorist watch list.
“We’re not greedy, we’ll take any of those, though the dinosaur one is a particular bugbear of ours. I mean, I can’t believe schools are allowed to just lie to children like that. You people should be ashamed.”
Conservative insiders claim that Theresa May is holding firm, and has threatened to add more dinosaurs to the curriculum if the DUP do not agree to the deal put before them.
As one source told us, “The nuclear option is telling Arlene that not only will we ensure children spend weeks talking about the really cool dinosaurs such as Triceratops, Stegosaurus and Velociraptors, the prime minister will also instruct education chiefs to make sure children know they were Catholic.
“To be honest, if it means staying in power, I think Theresa will just settle for the gay thing.”
Whatever this is, I didn’t vote for it – get the t-shirt!