A fucking arsehole is guarding against electoral irregularities by taking his own biro to the polling booth.
Registered tosser, Simon Williams, 58, refuses to trust “the pencils they give you”, believing the graphite “X” he will mark next to the Tory candidate could be scrubbed out by libtard sympathisers.
Williams said, “The local polling station is full of Marxists and bearded homosexuals who can’t be trusted with pencil votes because of their illness.
“Look at socialist countries like Venezuela and Nicaragua – they all use pencils because they can’t afford proper pens. Do we want to go down the hyperinflation and illegal gay sex route?”
Williams insists the standard-issue stubby black pencils available throughout the nation’s polling booths represent an infection risk and believes he contracted Hepatitis C while voting to leave the EU.
He continued, “Priced at eighty pounds; the Parker Urban is an excellent mid-range fountain pen which supplies a steady stream of indelible ink to ensure the keys to Downing Street are not handed to a Jihadi sponsor. “
He added, “I just need to figure out how to get the cap off.”