Terrorists announced today that they reckoned they had finally hit on a winning strategy to terrify London into submission.
“This one will definitely work,” announced terrorist Simon Al-Williams, who asked to remain anonymous.
“What you have to remember about East London is that it has never come under any kind of enemy attack before, so the people are well known to be weak and cowardly and have no natural resilience.
“Any kind of threat and they will crumble instantly.
“Any second now,” he added, tapping his watch. “Any…second…now…”
Al-Williams, who admits to “not knowing much history beyond what he was taught at Koran school,” told us that he thought that the terrorists’ fight was “as good as won,” but added that if the West should put up a weak last-minute show of resistance, he had a second plan in store.
“Our brave and mighty warriors will go around punching random babies in prams,” he explained, “until the West admits the rightness of our cause.
“Our top strategists say this is bound to happen by about Tuesday.”