The Tories have today abandoned their budget plans for all public services and the entire welfare state in favour of a series of JustGiving pages.
Theresa May announced the move at a Downing Street press briefing, saying, “These days there are fundraising pages for everything, really random stuff sometimes, and people always donate generously.
“We’re just doing things on a slightly bigger scale.
“We want to empower people to choose which services they wish to see supported.
“For instance, your children’s education? JustGiving page.
“Granddad’s pension? JustGiving page.
“Neighbourhood overrun by crime? JustGiving page.
“Mum’s life-saving cancer medication? JustGiving page.
“House burning down? JustGiving page.
“In this way, public services will be supported by the individuals who actually get the benefits.
“As well as this method funding all public services, communities will be pulling together, giving everyone a nice warm glow.
“Thought that could just be their houses on fire.”
It is understood that universal taxation will continue in its current form for Trident and bank bailouts.