The acting world mourned today the passing of one of its greatest and most consistent performers, Sir Roger Moore’s left eyebrow.
Over an 89 year career, the eyebrow starred in countless hit films. These were often internationally successful due to the easily translatable nature of the performance of an eyebrow.
The Academy immediately awarded it with a posthumous Oscar, recognising its “unequalled ability to vanquish supervillains and bed numerous women” despite only being able to make one repeated movement.
Presenting the award to a tearful family, Academy President Cheryl Boone-Isaacs commented on its illustrious and lengthy career, saying, “Nobody did it better. Left eyebrow really had it all; most notably the ability to raise itself up, conveying a subtle and dry amusement at the frequently ridiculous situations it found itself in.”
Tributes to the eyebrow poured in from all over the industry, with luminaries such as Robert DeNiro’s nose, Morgan Freeman’s vocal chords, and the inexplicably silver hair of George Clooney all remarking on its profound ability to bring an audience to tears and laughter with a slight contraction of the brow.
Elsewhere in the acting world, attempts to stitch an imitation eyebrow onto Daniel Craig went awry as his consistently depressing pout sued for unfair dismissal.