Scientologist condemns Tory supporters as ‘a bit creepy and gullible’

author avatar by 5 years ago

A follower of the totally legitimate church of Scientology has condemned Tory supporters as ‘a bit creepy and gullible’.

Simon Williams, a man who believes that alien spirits live inside all humans, declared himself stunned at the credulity of Tory voters yesterday.

“These guys really believe this stuff about going forward together?” exclaimed a baffled Mr Williams who had recently committed his current life and all future lives for a billion years to Scientology’s Sea Org.

“I mean, it’s nonsense. It’s clearly about exploiting the poorest to benefit the richest,” continued a man who’d recently spent $800 on an hour-long auditing session.

“And, man, these guys look totally creepy, I mean look at the eyes of some of this Boris Johnson’s followers. They’re completely in his thrall, it’s like he’s completely brain-washed them,” claimed Mr Williams, who harbours an ambition to one day become an Operating Thetan who can ’go exterior’ from his body.

“I’m going on a course next week that will teach me how to use my mind to move things and cure cancer,” he said excitedly.

“I can’t wait to tell all the other guys on the course how totally creepy and weird this whole ‘Tory’ thing is.

“I really hope it doesn’t catch on.”