Thing I am in charge of performing terribly, says man taking no responsibility whatsoever

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Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has told reporters that problems within the NHS are completely unacceptable, seemingly unaware that he is responsible for causing them.

He said there was “no excuse” for some of the difficulties highlighted during the BBC’s NHS week, and said that as soon as he finds out who is to blame, he will ensure they are fired.

Hunt told reporters, “The NHS is critically important to this government, and the current malaise is something I am absolutely not satisfied with – rest assured that I will spare no expense in finding out what the root cause of the problem is.

“Though obviously, I will do so without so much as a cursory look in a mirror.

“There are many, many problems with the NHS, and as soon as I find a convincing way of blaming this on immigrants you can be sure I will take action in publicising this alternative fact.”

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NHS worker Diedre Williams told us, “Jeremy is right, it’s a bit of a shit-show right now, but I’m not sure how you hold accountable a leader who refuses take responsibility for the poor performance of his organisation. Any ideas?

“He is the Arsene Wenger of government, so he’ll probably be here forever.”