Santa’s elves call 24-hour strike for Christmas Eve

The Christmas Elves and Associated Reindeers Union have confirmed that they will join the RMT and Post Office workers in carrying out industrial action over Christmas.

Union leader Bushy Evergreen said the proposed Christmas Eve strike was partly a show of solidarity with fellow unions and partly a protest against increasingly harsh working conditions faced by his members.

“The demands on elves due to increased productivity are unbearable,” says Evergreen.

“Every year it’s the same; we work our fingers to the bone and the fat cat boss gets all the credit.

“It’s the elves who make the toys but because Santa Claus delivers them he gets all the love from the children, and the whisky and mince pies.

“Santa is just a glorified delivery man. You wouldn’t leave out a glass of whisky and a mince pie for the bloke from Parcelforce would you?”

However, Daily Mail columnist Katie Hopkins says that the elves should stop moaning and get on with their work.

“These elves don’t know how lucky they are,” says Hopkins.

“There are plenty other people out there who would kill for a cushy toy-making job at the North Pole. If it was up to me I’d fire them on the spot, and I’m not just saying that because I’m on the naughty list.”

“She’s not on the naughty list,” says Evergreen.

“She’s on the right-wing gobshite list. I swear that list is getting longer every fucking year.”