Tragedy as man forgets to take phone to the toilet

author avatar by 7 years ago

Office worker Simon Williams claims he wished he was dead when half way through squeezing out his first nugget he realised he was phoneless.

“I panicked at first,” he confesses. “It definitely felt like I was going to be in there for a lengthy amount of time, so what the hell was I going to do to pass the time?!

“Sitting on the toilet is the perfect time for me to look at old school friend’s bikini photos on Facebook whilst I wait for my bowels to kick into gear. I have literally no idea how people managed a trip to the toilet ten years ago.”

Mr Williams eventually resorted to reading the directions and ingredients of the Mountain Fresh toilet spray, twice, before breaking down in tears and abandoning his bowel movement.

Studies suggest that since smartphones became popularised a decade ago the average time for a poo has risen from 6 minutes to 4 and a half hours.

“In the past, I’ve lost an entire weekend to sitting on the toilet,” said Mr Williams.

“My parents actually thought I was dead.”