In another attempt to change the face of a traditional festive experience, Birmingham Council has banned stories discussing the banning of Christmas.
“It’s a disgrace!” thundered one typically shaven-headed, red-faced, tabloid-reading oik.
“It’s a British tradition to get angry at stories about Christmas being banned, how dare they!
“It’s just not Christmas unless someone tells you it’s not Christmas.”
Gripping tighter the choke chain of his dog he went on to explain, “I love Christmas, that’s why I have the decorations outside the house all year round.
“I can’t wait for the start of October so I can turn the lights on – and they stay on ‘til February. But it’s not until someone tells me you ‘can’t call it Christmas anymore’ that Christmas really starts, or doesn’t.”
Birmingham Council were the first to ban the stories, a spokesman admitted.
They told us, “We were tired of such stories being attributed to us which is why we have moved to ban Christmas stories about Christmas being banned this Christmas.
“We’ve also banned stories about us deciding to call it Winterval.”
Birmingham residents are furious, with one telling us, “Banning stories about Christmas being banned is bad enough, but to not even let us have the outrage of a Winterval festival is just cruel.
“I’d forgive them if I could, but we are a Christian nation and I just can’t bring myself to do it.”
UKIP have spoken out about the news, telling us, “It’s just another example of the liberal establishment elite bowing to the wishes of the immigrant minorities to have some made-up things ignored, or banned.
“If the indigenous British people want to ignore a ban on Christmas stories being banned, and write made-up stories about Christmas being banned this Christmas, then they should be allowed to.”