It is understood that top Republicans are trying to find a viable method of replacing Donald Trump as Presidential candidate with a ‘killer clown.’
“A lot of people are afraid of a Donald Trump presidency,” said a senior republican who wished to remain anonymous for fear of Trump repercussions.
“So, we want to find someone that Americans would find more comforting, like a middle-aged, overweight man in poorly applied clown make-up speaking in a scratchy voice and wielding a knife.
“I mean, it’s terrifying, but it’s clearly a more pleasing prospect than a sex-pest with creepy hands and mad hair.”
At the moment, the Republicans are trying to find a legal loophole that will allow them to make a switch.
“Surprisingly, the GOP’s never tried to change their candidate with a killer clown or, indeed, any kind of clown.
“Which was particularly surprising when you consider that in 1996 we went with Bob Dole.”
A hastily conducted poll seems to indicate that a killer clown could conceivably perform better in this election than either Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump.
But then, the same poll shows that both candidates would come a distant second and third to ‘any old shit’.