Andy Murray ‘made in Scotland from Girders’, claim scientists

author avatar by 7 years ago

Andy Murray is in fact a remarkable tennis-playing robot built by an eccentric Scottish granddad in his shed, we can reveal.

Originally built as a fun-loving playmate for his lonely grandson, the Murray robot proved to have remarkable powers of tennis and his super telescopic limbs made him well-nigh unbeatable on the court, leading to a series of incredible adventures culminating in the Olympics.

Charley Brand’s Grandad Sam is understood to have built the robot out of steel girders he took from work, using his abilities as a welder learned in the shipyards of Glasgow.

“When I built Murray I only expected him to get into a series of hilarious high-jinks at school, such as using his telescopic neck to cheat in exams and the teacher’s cane breaking over his cast-iron behind when he was caught”, we were told.

“But it turns out that although he was built for pranks…but it turns out he’s really good at Tennis. You didn’t think any normal human could play like that, did you?

“After I got the sense of humour programme sorted out after a few years, it really just snowballed from there.”

Although several nations have complained at Britain fielding a robot in the tennis, the IOC has confirmed there is a precedent after the Soviet Union included the atomic-powered DESTRUCKTATHRON X-3000 in their Track and Field team for the 1968 Mexico City games.

The Scottish FA has asked Granddad Sam if he can build Glasgow Rangers a decent player as his next project, but have been told that there are some things science just can’t do.