Twitter to shut down to stop people sharing panicky, unsourced rumours about Twitter shutting down

Twitter is to shut down because people keep using it to share panicky, unsourced rumours, according to worried, anonymous sources today.

The popular social media platform has allegedly made the decision in the wake of a wave of rumours they were to shut down based on nothing at all.

The hashtag #saveTwitter was trending for some hours this morning, and the company realised it has a social responsibility to pull the plug and just send their users crayons as that’s apparently their level now.

The site has a history of stories that just aren’t right gaining prominence after short-sighted users pile on a bandwagon without taking ten seconds to check if what they’re sharing is in any way true.

“When millions of people thought we were closing down based on nothing we realised we had a genuine duty to close down, and probably to go around and remove sharp objects from their houses as well,” someone claiming to be a Twitter spokesman told us under the hashtag #simonwilliams.

“There was that #savemarinajoyce thing a few weeks ago as well. What the fuck was that about?

“It’s nothing. NOTHING. We’re best knocking it on the head now.

“Yeah, I’ll be out of a job, but it’s a small price to pay.”

At the time of writing, #savesimonwilliams is reported to have just started trending, and has already been shared 6.4m times.

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