Absolutely everyone has read the two-point-six-million-word Chilcot report and has an unshakable opinion about it which they will hold for the rest of their life, despite it only having been released about an hour ago.
The report, which took seven years to write, either completely vindicates your point of view or is a whitewash, depending on who you talk to.
Assuming an average of two hundred words a minute, reading the report would take a normal human being ten full days to read if they didn’t sleep.
However, everyone and his brother including several other contributors to this website has clearly read the whole thing, digested the contents, and reached an informed opinion by 9am this morning in defiance of all known physical laws.
“I read it so fast my eyes were bleeding,” said regular internet commenter Simon Williams.
“It’s absolutely vital to national security and my sense of self-importance that I appear really well informed about this, and I had to be first to comment as well.
“Did you know that on page 377 it says…” but by then we’d already stopped listening and drifted off to sleep.