Cameron following Goodfella Jimmy Conway’s advice to ‘not spend the money’

author avatar by 8 years ago

David Cameron is following Goodfella Jimmy Conway’s advice not to spend the ill-gotten money everyone secretly thinks he has, after buying his wife a shit car.

The Prime Minister is said to have taken Conway’s advice to heart, not wanting to find himself whacked for flashing the cash most people think he’s got tucked away from an offshore account.

A source close to the Camerons told us, “David would have loved to buy a Samantha a nice Bentley for the school run, but then everyone would want to know where they got the money.

“Before long you’ve got reporters going through their accounts again looking for the proceeds of offshore tax havens.

“So, the wiseguy way to deal with that problem is to spend about a grand on an seven-year-old Nissan Micra with 90,000 miles on the clock, and that way no-one gives you a so much as a second look.

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“It’s the perfect way to avoid suspicion because most people believe that rich people don’t buy shit things.

“What better way to make people think you really haven’t squirrelled away any money from offshore tax havens than by making your wife drive around in a really shit car?

“The real trick, though, is to ensure the press know all about you buying a cheap car and are there to take the photos and write about it.”