Australia to begin sending criminals to Britain

Australia has come full circle and is to begin sending criminals to Britain, they have announced.

Convicted burglar and mother of five Kelly Webb will be sent to the prison colony of Britain ‘for the term of her natural life’, Australian judges ruled.

Webb, who has lived in Australia since she was two, is expected never to see her home again and will live out her days in a ‘happy land, far, far away.’

“It’s fair dinkum tit for tat,” said judge Simon ‘Banjo’ Williams in his summing up statement.

“They send us criminals; we send Home and Away. They send Eurovision; we send Neighbours. Clearly the Poms can’t take a hint, so we’ll start sending the crims back.

“She is a habitual user of illegal drugs and has an extensive criminal record, and so was eligible for Australian citizenship but she failed to apply,” he added.

Describing Webb as a ‘miserable Swagwoman’, Judge Williams confirmed she would no longer be allowed to camp in a Billabong.

Webb’s defence team pleaded that having adapted to Australia, she would be forced to ‘walk around upside-down’ in Britain and would be in danger of falling off.