Louis Van Gaal sacked for only winning one FA Cup this year

Manchester United Manager Louis van Gaal has been sacked after failing to win more than one FA Cup this season.

The Manchester United management team has denied handling the sacking badly, insisting that they’d given van Gaal almost 48 hours to have a cup of tea and look at the trophy he’d won for them before giving him his belongings in a bin bag and getting security to escort him from the premises.

The Glazers were hoping for more from van Gaal, and he was told pre-season his job was at risk if the team did not win the League, Superbowl, the World Series of Baseball, the raffle at the local church fair, and the FA Cup at least twice in the same year.

“Manchester United has nothing but respect and gratitude for our former manager… thingy …whatsisname,” said a spokesman.

“He has served the team wonderfully since…whenever it was, and won us almost enough titles and trophies.

“But you know what they say; FA Cup winner is still first loser, or something.

“Thanks for all your hard work and don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”

It is understood that United approached Leicester Manager Claudio Ranieri to replace van Gaal, but were rebuffed when Ranieri told them he was only interested in a contract of longer than four months, a complete deal-breaker for the Glazers.

Van Gaal is to be replaced by Jose Mourinho, who most recently hit the headlines when he was sacked by Chelsea for winning the Premiership – an experience which sources say should prepare him wonderfully for working at United.

Advertisement

Classic BritishComedy tees

Celebrating the best of British comedy from the 70s, 80s, 90s and beyond.

See the full collection →