Britain’s Supervet to provide emergency cover for striking doctors

author avatar by 8 years ago

As the Junior Doctors’ strike escalates, Britain’s “Supervet” has been called up to provide routine surgery to those on NHS waiting lists.

After shooting to stardom on his TV show, veterinary surgeon, Noel Fitzpatrick, is ready to make the step up from Rufus the rabbit to an 89 year-old grandmother with advanced arthritis.

Health Secretary, Jeremy Hunt, is said to be a huge admirer of the 48 year-old miracle worker, including his laid back approach to working weekends.

The cost-saving measure will come as no surprise to NHS patients used to being treated like animals.

Several patients have already been booked into Fitzpatrick’s state-of-the-art Surrey clinic where they will be given immediate priority over parrots, geckos and hamsters.

The overworked vet has performed over one hundred tricky hip replacements this year alone – on Labradors and Cocker Spaniels.

Fitzpatrick has the personal touch and humans about to go under the knife can expect a tickle under the chin or a pat on the head.

“One thing this job has taught me is that people think a lot more of their pets than their closest relatives,” he told us.

“Basic mammalian anatomy is essentially the same, although according to this book here, a human spleen looks a lot like an Alsatian’s liver.

“The worst case scenario is that we have to put someone down.”

Sadly, Fitzpatrick’s NHS work has placed a strain on his own practice, with operations being delayed for poorly pooches.

Irresponsible dog owner, Simon Williams, sobbed: “My poor baby was hit by a car last week when I routinely forgot to put him on a lead. I can’t bear to face life without him. ”

Fitzpatrick replied, “At the end of the day pal, it’s only a fucking Chihuahua.”