Wurzel Corbyn could run country ‘without his war head’

Labour’s Wurzel Corbyn has claimed that he could ‘easily’ be prime minister without having to resort to his ‘war head’.

The opposition leader made the announcement while wearing his ‘compromizin’ head’, a hollowed-out mangelwurzel that says things no-one is happy with.

“Me fellow scarey crows an’ me was havin’ a cup o’ tea an’ a nice slice o’ cake, when Jolly McDonnell hits upon submarineses what don’t do any submarinin’,” revealed Corbyn.

“Well, that’s an idea of some cleversies but we don’t want to be wearin’ our ‘unemployin’ uniony members’ heads, do we?” he went on.

“So we’ll be payin’ ’em to bob about in the splashy, but not be doin’ any o’ that ‘nuclear deterrent’ type o’ nonsense’.”

Corbyn denied that the idea was ‘breathtakingly stupid’ and, after screwing on his ‘thinking turnip’ insisted that it would bring the UK’s enemies closer.

“It’s perfectly workable, I mean, I’m a good scarecrow, ent I? Even though I told them crowsies they can nest in me belly straw.”

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