Liz Kendall to be new Doctor Who companion

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The BBC has announced that the replacement for Jenna Coleman in Doctor Who will be former Labour leadership candidate Liz Kendall.

“Liz is someone we’ve been wanting to work with for a long time,” said showrunner Steven Moffat, who has recently been concerned about the programme drifting too far to the left.

“She’s passionate, funny and charming, and has the sort of centrist political and economic beliefs that a good companion should have.”

It is understood that one of the first plotlines for Ms Kendall will feature an unemployed cyberman who she gives a stern talking to about the morality of welfare and how he goes on to open a small café and do really quite well for himself.

The announcement will finally quash the rumours that had been circulating since May that Ed Miliband would the new Doctor’s companion.

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“Yes, I mean, obviously we considered Ed Miliband for the role,” continued Mr Moffat

“But ultimately, the number one thing we look for in a companion is not having built a stupid big rock with all your half-arsed policies carved onto it like some giant biblical post-it note to-do list.”

Fans were less than enthusiastic about the announcement.

“Never heard of her,” said Doctor Who fan and life-long virgin Simon Williams

Which is a phrase that perfectly summed up her leadership campaign.