Jeremy Clarkson to run for Mayor of London

author avatar by 9 years ago

With his career at the BBC likely over, Jeremy Clarkson has announced his next career move will be to run as Mayor of London when Boris Johnson steps down.

Clarkson is said to think himself a perfect fit for the role, which historically has been held by loudmouthed populists with a reputation for putting it about a bit.

Clarkson has already got his team lined up, with The Stig announced as Transport Minister, James May as minister for ‘complicated and boring things I don’t understand’, and Richard Hammond taking over the brief for ‘abroad and foreign places’.

“We don’t know much about the last one but we’re looking forward to sending him there, possibly in a rocket car”, said Clarkson.

Clarkson is also hoping to bring in Sabine Schmitz and Women’s Minister and Lewis Hamilton for the minorities portfolio.

NewsThump best selling notebooks

When asked for a comment, former London Mayor Ken Livingstone said “There’s only one possible Mayor of London and that’s me.”

“I’ve won four times in a row and I’ll win a fifth term in the next election. Boris Johnson? Never heard of him. I’ll be mayor for ever.”

He was then cut off as an orderly offered to take him back to his room.

Suggested Clarkson policies include increasing the speed limit on the North Circular to 90, turning Oxford Circus into a drifting pan, and introducing a network of cheap hire cars at stations throughout central London, which will inevitably become known as “Boris Buggies” no matter what Clarkson would actually like them to be called.

NewsThump Best sellers