Utah turns to death by meat cleaver as firing squads run low on bullets

author avatar by 8 years ago

Death row inmates in the American state of Utah face the prospect being hacked to death by enthusiastic executioners after a shortage of specialist bullets means firing squads may no longer be an option.

The news comes just days after the state was also forced to abandon lethal injection as their preferred method of execution due to similar shortages.

Utah Governor Gary Herbert signed the new law allowing death by meat cleaver on Tuesday morning.

He told reporters, “Yes, we would like to kill people as efficiently as possible, but we will not let shortages of the necessary tools limit our determination to end the lives of convicted criminals.”

“It was lethal injection last month, firing squad last week, and now we’ll hack them to bits with freshly sharpened meat cleavers.”

“And if we run low on cleavers then we’ll just strangle them to death with our bare hands – whatever it takes to get the job done.”

“When a jury makes the decision and a judge signs a death warrant, enforcing that lawful decision is the obligation of the executive branch, even if we get our hands a bit dirty in the process.”

Utah executions to continue

Utah resident Chuck Williams told us, “I think death by meat cleaver is an excellent deterrent against violent crime.”

“If you’re going to commit a violent crime and aren’t scared straight at the prospect of being killed by a lethal injection, then being hacked death would definitely do it. It would put me off, for sure.”

“I mean, the stats clearly show that murder rates are lower in states that have the death penalty, don’t they?”

“Oh. They show the exact opposite is true? Right. Ok. Well, err, killing people with cleavers in fun, so let’s do it anyway!”