Discovery of old Zoo magazine points to unintelligent life on Mars

Researchers have identified the fossilised remains of an old Zoo magazine on the surface of Mars, leading to claims that the planet was once able to support a thriving community of thoroughly unintelligent life.

The question of whether there was ever life on Mars has long been a matter of contention in the scientific community, with the latest discovery only set to fuel the debate as to the level of intelligence displayed by any long-dead civilisation.

NASA spokesperson Arnold Goldberg told reporters, “What we have here is proof that Mars once supported a form of life roughly equivalent to a modern root vegetable.

“We’re talking something a couple of million years behind the evolution of the caveman I’d expect.  It’s not surprising that they died out if this was the height of their cultural advancement.

“Don’t get carried away though, these creatures would not have been like you and me.  A modern human being would not be able to hold an intelligent conversation with them.

“The best you could hope for would probably be to distract them with bright colours, loud noises, or a pair of tits.”

Martian life

It is hoped that the latest discovery will allow for further funding, and maybe even lead to support for a manned mission to the red planet.

Goldberg continued, “We are quite sure there are further incredible discoveries to be made on the surface of Mars.

“There have long been rumours of structures that resemble white vans and also an area that looks like the face of Danny Dyer.

“Who knows, one day we might also find a sign that Mars once supported intelligent life.”

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