Wednesday 18 June 2014 by Formelia Albethine

What’s the obsession with Wayne Rooney, asks man obsessed with playing Wayne Rooney

Roy Hodgson Rooney obsession

England manager Roy Hodgson has implored the nation to drop its obsession with Wayne Rooney so that he can focus on his obsession with playing Wayne Rooney.

The former Fulham and Liverpool boss warned fans focusing their attentions on one player, claiming that left unchecked it could lead to international football management.

“I can remember only too well the 1960’s when the obsession with putting Wayne Rooney, sorry, a man on the moon was in full swing,” he told reporters at his daily briefing.

“I thought it so pathetic and pointless, I began constructing a Wayne Rooney, no, I mean a rocket, in a bid to put the first Wayne Rooney on the moon.”

“Having learned my lesson, England fans would do well to put aside their unhealthy obsession with the Wayne Rooney question.”

“You know, so I can allow my obsession with playing Wayne Rooney to bring about an early, and ultimately frustrating, exit from the World Cup for Wayne Rooney.”

Rooney obsession

Hodgson continued, “We’ve seen it all before with Bryan Robson, Wayne Rooney, Gazza, Wayne Rooney, Beckham and now Wayne Rooney.”

“As far as I’m concerned his best position is playing as Wayne Rooney in an England shirt, on a pitch, in one of our fixtures, playing just off Wayne Rooney.”

In a bid to assuage English fears over a predilection for selecting square pegs for round holes, Hodgson identified his ideal replacement for injured physio, Gary Lewin.

“Personally, in an ideal world I’d call up Wayne Rooney.”

“But as it is I think we’ll just have to stick with Wayne Rooney.”

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