Girls Aloud announce 2033 reunion tour as ‘Shouty Middle-Aged Women’

author avatar by 11 years ago

Girls Aloud have announced plans for a reunion tour in 2033 under the name ‘Shouty Middle-Aged Women’.

The band told fans via Twitter that their concert in Liverpool last night would be the last time they will appear as Girls Aloud, but not the last time they will appear together as a band.

“Though we’re disappointed to be announcing our split today, we’re excited about the prospect of reforming in twenty years when we’ve all run out of money and no drying out clinic will touch us,” said member Sarah Harding.

“This last ten years has been an incredible journey, and I look forward to squandering my accumulated wealth over the next twenty years on questionable business deals, parties I can’t afford and repeated spells in rehab.”

“I’m sure that by 2033 we’ll all be pretty desperate to get out there and sing for you again.”

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Girls Aloud reunion tour

Diehard fans of the band have already claimed they are excited by the prospect of Shouty Middle-Aged Women, insisting it will be just what they want to hear as they reach their mid-forties.

Fan Sharon Williams told us, “It will be great to hear them again, singing about the things that matter to a forty-five year old woman stuck in a loveless marriage and a job she hates – they’ve always been good at social commentary.”

Band member Kimberly Walsh told us, “We’ll sing all the old classics, obviously, but also a few new tracks about women in their late forties struggling with grey hair, premature incontinence and a partner who no longer achieves erections.”

“We’ll remain the voice of our generation, just, you know, laden with a bit more world-weary disappointment.”

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