Monday 26 November 2012

Hyper-Intelligent alien saviours visit earth, read YouTube comments, leave hurriedly

A race of hyper-intelligent aliens who recently visited Earth with the intention of solving all mankind’s problems left hurriedly yesterday afternoon after reading a selection of comments left on YouTube.

The aliens, beings composed purely of light, had selected Earth with the express intention of bringing an end to war, poverty, disease, famine and climate change, but left mumbling excuses that they really had to get going to beat the traffic.

Their leader, XQUTGFSIOF, said in a benign voice radiating warmth and calm, “Sure, we knew about the Holocaust, Rwanda, and the fact that you’re destroying your planet through global warming.”

“But we thought deep down you were worth saving, and at the flick of a switch we could have created a utopia for you where no one ever fought, got ill or went hungry.”

“Then we read some of the crap you write in YouTube comments. Jeez, you guys are dicks. We’re off – fuck you.”

The aliens were last seen heading for a planet on the far side of the Orion nebula, although commentators believe that that planet is doomed too, as due to the Theory of Relativity by the time the aliens reach it Twitter will have been invented.

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