Benitez to rotate himself

Rafael Benitez has admitted he will be bringing the infamous ‘Rafatation’ policy to Stamford Bridge and that it will not be restricted to the playing staff.

The new Chelsea manager insists that working with a bunch of aging racists and curly-permed prima donnas week after week could increase the risk of injury, particularly to an area known as the brain, and will try to take measures to prevent this from happening.

“Perhaps it is already too late,” the Spaniard confessed.

“For a long time when people see me in the street, they point their finger at the side of the head and that is the thing they rotate.”

“But they do not realise that I need to keep myself fresh because the next job could be very important.”

“If there is one, that is.”

Tiring business

Benitez claims that he is already in need of a rest, less than 24 hours after signing his contract.

“I am very, very tired,” he added. “Because counting all those zeros is like counting of the sheep. No?”

It is currently unclear whether there were enough zeros in the contract for Benitez to say that Luis Garcia’s “goal” was not actually over the line.

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