Tuesday 25 September 2012

Abu Hamza’s hook to be replaced with plastic ‘Spork’ during extradition flight

Terrorism suspect Abu Hamza will have his controversial hook replaced with a white plastic spork during his extradition flight, government sources announced today.

After the European Court of Human Rights rejected his appeal – probably on the grounds of a bit of a prick – the UK is now making plans to ship him off to the US to face terror charges there.

The transit proves logistically difficult due to Hamza’s use of a massive hook, which technically isn’t allowed onboard a plane, hence the spork attachment during his flight.

A government official explained, “Though not yet found guilty of anything yet, you can’t be too careful, and there’s very little he can do with a spork – including eat an in-flight meal with any sort of dignity.”

“In years gone by we’d simply put corks on the end of his hook, but we look stupid putting them on and it leaves him looking like he’s been in a fight to the death with an Australian.”

“As enticing as that sounds, it’s not something we’re allowed to promote.”

Abu Hamza extradition

Hamza’s lawyers are claiming that the spork infringes on his human rights, a suggestion rejected by Home Office officials.

They explained, “Have you ever tried to eat a tiny salad using a hook? Of course not – his claim is without merit.”

“That said, we are considering allowing him to use his hook at some points during the flight, but only when he has to wipe his arse.”

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