Thursday 26 July 2012 by Formelia Alberthine

Stella Artois to support gay marriage by rebranding lager as ‘Spouse Beater’

After the SNP announced Scotland could become the first part of the UK to introduce gay marriage, Stella Artois confirmed their intention to re-brand their lager as ‘Spouse-Beater’ in support of the move.

Marketing Director, Helena Spratt, said the Scottish government’s decision gave them the opportunity to write a new chapter in the lagers history, giving husband-on-husband post-drinking violence the equal footing it deserves.

She told reporters, “Drunken domestic violence should no longer be just about a man beating his wife, it could equally be a husband beating his husband, or wife lashing out at wife.”

“The alcohol industry, like any other, must move with the times, and if that means revisiting the ways in which our fine product is sold, then so be it.”

“Accordingly, we hereby unveil to the public the birth of ‘Spouse-beater.”

“But please remember, do be violent responsibly.”

Spouse beater unveiled

Gay rights campaigner Peter Tatchel said that whilst he welcomed the fast paced response of the brewery to the proposed change in Scottish law, he rejected any comparison to alcohol consumption in straight marriages.

“Heterosexual males embarking on a violent outburst is a barbaric display that would turn your stomach if you were unfortunate enough to see it.”

“But trust me, violence in a gay marriage will be simply fabulous.”

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