Media confusing rape with football news

author avatar by 12 years ago

After a 23 year-old man was sentenced to five years for raping a 19 year-old woman, various news outlets have begun pondering how it might affect the League One promotion run-in.

The man, who had previously been well-known for his predatory skills on the football pitch received the jail sentence as a result of his predatory skills off it.

Football statisticians have been frantically checking through the history books to ascertain whether the convicted rapist could be the first footballer to go up and go down within the same season.

Fans of the club that the man played for have expressed their anger after reports of him ‘signing a five year contract with HMS Prison’ emerged.

Ched Evans convicted

“The fans who turn up week in, week out to give their support are the victims in all this,” slammed one angry season ticket holder.

“I could understand it if it was a Premier League club, but I don’t even know what division HMS are in.”

“I’m seriously going to have to reconsider who I vote for as player of the season now.”

With reports suggesting that the five-year deal could have an early release clause for good behaviour, former HMS player Lee Hughes insisted that although it’s tough there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

“I killed someone, but after I was released by HMS I still got a contract at a new club.”

“The thing to remember is that as long as you do the business on the pitch people will forgive you for anything.”

“Goals are a great healer.”