Andy Carroll to star in ‘John Carter 2’

author avatar by 12 years ago

With new Disney action film ‘John Carter’ set to lose Disney around £126 million, the producers have looked to Andy Carroll in their quest to find a suitable flop to star in the sequel.

The film is expected to become the biggest flop of all time, and staff are convinced that only another flop as significant as Carroll has the potential to ensure the franchise continues its track record of dismal failure.

A Disney spokesman announced, “We’re looking to sign Carroll for £25 million plus increase the budget for the rest of the second film to £200 million.”

“That means we’ll have a total of £225 million to waste.”

“We’re therefore hoping that Kenny Dalgish will become director. If he refuses, there’s always Roberto Mancini.”

Disney flop

Film critic Mark Kermode expressed his surprise at Andy Carroll being chosen to flop in the next film.

Kermode argued, “Carroll’s certainly got the ability to underwhelm, but why don’t Disney go all the way and splash out on Fernando Torres?”

“And we can’t rule out Dimitar Berbatov – especially as he doesn’t seem to be getting anywhere near the United first team anymore and therefore has plenty of time on his hands.”

“Actually, if Disney are determined to find a flop from the Premier League, they’re not going to have any trouble finding one, are they?”