Public sector strikes to cost economy 1/10th of royal wedding, warn ministers

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Ministers have warned that public sector strikes are bad because they will cost the UK economy £500m, which is roughly 1/10th of the amount that the wedding between the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge cost the economy earlier this year.

Cabinet Office Minister Francis Maude said at a briefing on Thursday, “You have to remember that the £500m that we estimate these strikes will cost the economy is entirely different to the £5bn that the royal wedding cost the economy.”

“Firstly you have to factor in that the royal wedding generated around £47.59 in sales of cheap tat and sausage rolls.”

“Also if you discount the millions of people who couldn’t give a flying fuck, it was an historic occasion that provided the population with an enormous sense of national pride.”

Strikes to cost less than royal wedding

With celebrations for the Queens diamond jubilee next year expected to cost a further £5bn, the impact of national pride on the economy is expected to be completely overlooked in favour of bunting and trifle.

“It’s weird that people can take great pride in the ability of a bunch of freeloaders to wave at people and shoot pheasants, but public servants standing up for themselves are viewed with such utter contempt,” revealed one bemused public sector worker.

Gail Cartmail, assistant general secretary of Unite, accused the government of scaremongering and insisted that the strikes will have a similar effect on the country as royal celebrations.

“People go on about how the royal wedding attracted vast numbers of foreigners to these shores, but with thousands of border agency workers joining the picket line, so will the strikes.”