Friday 25 November 2011 by Spacey

Government announces plan to create young workforce of highly skilled shelf stackers

Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg has revealed plans for 400,000 work and training placements which will create a young generation of shelf stackers and burger flippers that will be the envy of the world.

The scheme, which is aimed at 18-24 year olds, will provide valuable experience and qualifications in intermediate shelf stacking, with the possibility for those who apply themselves to take up further training in advanced table wiping.

“This initiative will allow us to reshuffle the unemployed at six monthly intervals,” revealed Mr Clegg.

“Employers could provide these young people with full time employment at the end of the six months, but they could also get rid of them and take on the next influx of subsidised cheap labour.”

Work placements plan

Young people have spoken enthusiastically about being provided with an opportunity to show employers what they are capable of.

“I’ve often walked around the supermarket with a feeling of envy,” revealed 19 year old Ryan Price, who has been unemployed since leaving school.

“Hopefully if I can fulfil my potential I could reach a point where I get the responsibility associated with having a bunch of keys attached to my belt”

It is unsure how the initiative to create a crack team of trolley gatherers will be paid for, but the government did not deny reports that the funding might come from a freeze in tax credits.

“Someone’s got to pay for it and sure as shit isn’t going to be bankers,” George Osborne is likely to announce by in his Autumn Statement on Tuesday.

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