Eurozone must continue pretending to like Germany, warns Merkel

author avatar by 12 years ago

After the emergency EU meeting in Brussels, German Chancellor Angela Merkel has sent a stark message to Greece and other debt-ridden countries that they must continue to pretend to like and respect Germany in order for them to get the bailout.

Having won support from her parliament for her proposals to throw even more money at Greece, Merkel was adamant that they would have to carry on parading the image of actually intending to pay it all back one day.

Upon arriving in Brussels, Merkel told reporters, “This is the worst crisis in Europe since World War II and we all know who was the main protagonist in that episode, so I’m glad that my government has supported my drive to get the country fully-involved in this latest continental crisis.”

“There are still many negotiations to carry out, such as eurozone countries admitting they like Germany even a little bit in order to avoid a financial apocalypse.”

“If I’m going to have to personally take the blame when the eurozone squanders our billions in the years to come, I want just a little recognition that we’re not the worst people in the world anymore.”

Merkel eurozone demands

Greek Prime Minister George Papandreou made noises that he was perfectly willing to make stuff up in order to ensure the bailout.

“I love Germany!” he exclaimed whilst nearly keeping a straight face.

“The people of Greece fully respect Germany’s citizens and culture, particularly when we rely on them to save us from our own horrendous economic misadventures.”

Spain and Italy were also eager to eulogise about Germany given their own impending financial meltdowns scheduled for next year.

Papandreou added, “I can tell you that Silvio Berlusconi likes Angela Merkel in particular.”

“Some people might not believe me, but she is a woman after all.”

“Actually, he only came because he heard rumours Carla Bruni was going to be here.”