Monday 24 October 2011

Clever people tend not to throw chairs through shop windows, finds study

A new survey has found a link between how clever someone is, and how likely it is they will go out onto the street to try and steal a television from inside a broken shop window.

The survey of those arrested during the summer riots has found that people clever enough to not want to go to prison stayed at home and watched events unfold on a television they had bought and paid for.

One of the researchers involved told us, “We found that the average rioter was the sort of person you never wanted to sit next to at school because they spent their time eating pencils and rubbing themselves inappropriately.”

“We’re not saying that eating pencils and inappropriate rubbing leads to rioting, but if you read a newspaper that has more pictures than words then I’m afraid the risk factor is quite high.”

Riot arrest survey

The findings also suggest that people with enough money to buy more of the things they want had little motivation to go out and break the law to get more of the things that they want.

“What we discovered is that if you want a new television it’s much easier to go on the Internet and use a credit card to have one brought to you, rather than going outside armed with half-bricks in search of the nearest Dixons.”

“Of course, this relies on your having a credit card in the first place, and a credit limit higher than the cost of a tank of petrol.”

“Which at the last count is about six of you, we believe.”

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