People who can enjoy music without the accompaniment of 40 year-old men dancing around in their vests, have been completely unaffected by the ticket fraud that has left scores of women called Cheryl or Michelle without Take That tickets.
Consumer watchdog Safeconcerts.com confirmed that it had not received any complaints from people that were concerned about missing out on a genuine musical experience, but instead had been inundated with the high-pitched screams of hysterical women desperate to catch a glimpse of some men who should know better, jumping about in tight trousers.
Derren Nugent from Safeconcerts.com said, “As far as we can see there are no controls in place, anyone can set up business selling tickets to extremely desperate and excitable women – it’s scary.”
“Seriously, I can’t hear anything in my right ear anymore.”
Michelle Price, from Wigan, paid £700 for seven tickets for the band’s Eastlands stadium concert in Manchester this Sunday, but has yet to receive them.
“Aaaaarrrrrrrgggghhhh, no,no,no,no,no,no,nooooooooooo! Ticket Index, you bastarding bastards” she revealed.
Take That Fraud
It’s not just female office workers called Cheryl who have been affected by the fraud, with the husbands and boyfriends of those left without tickets mentally preparing themselves for a difficult couple of weeks.
“In the week leading up to the Take That tour, the number of men walking their dog around the park has increased by an average of 42%, and the number of men taking up residence in the garden shed has increased ten-fold ” said a spokesperson for the National Fraud Intelligence Bureau.
“I think this highlights how far-reaching a crime fraud can be.”